E-mails from an Asshole!
E-mails from an Asshole!
por Petrum Sáb Feb 05, 2011 8:28 pm
Bien, tal como prometí, os paso un TROLL de verdad, no uno de esos de las pelis:
El tipo es un americano que entra frecuentemente a una web de anuncios en las que la gente ofrece/pide cosas, y si alguien tiene de lo que piden o quiere lo que ofrecen, venden y eso. En plan Ebay pero más sencillo, sólo es un tablón de anuncios.
Bien, ved ahora el trabajo de nuestro amigo Mike:
Original ad:
litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.
From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org
Hi,
I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?
Mike
From Shannon ******* to Me
Mike,
Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure
they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time.
Are you able to house all six of them?
From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******
Shannon,
To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of
cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter
should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good
care of the kittens until I feed them to him.
Mike
From Shannon ******* to Me
That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.
From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******
Shannon,
I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.
From Shannon ******* to Me
NO.
Original ad:
Help me! I'm in desperate need of a Blu-ray
player. I don't have a lot of money so if you want to give me one for
free, that would be great. In return I will say many prayers for you!
Please e-mail me @ ***********@verizon.net
From Me to ***********@verizon.net:
Hey there,
I have an old Blu-Ray player I don't use anymore. Are you interested?
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Yes I am very much interested! What brand is the player and is it free?
From Me to Cathy ********:
Cathy,
It is a Samsung player, and whether it is free or not depends on you...how many prayers are we talking about here?
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
I will say many prayers for you!
From Me to Cathy ********:
Yeah, I got that. Specifically, how many prayers? This Blu-Ray player
wasn't cheap. I'm thinking, 50 Our Fathers and 50 Hail Marys every day
for a year. Does that sound good?
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Mike, the quantity of prayers is not important - it is the sincerity and
power of the prayer that matters. I will be genuinely thankful and show
this through my prayers!
From Me to Cathy ********:
Sorry, but I'm not settling for anything less than 50 Our Fathers and 50
Hail Marys per day. The last guy I gave my plasma TV to gave me that
"sincere prayer" crap but I don't it worked at all. My wife's breasts
still aren't bigger and my lottery tickets still aren't winning. The
only thing that matters is the amount of prayers that you say. It is
your choice; 100 prayers a day or no blu-ray player.
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
I think you are misunderstanding the purpose of prayer. Surely you can't
expect me to say that many prayers - it would take all day!
From Me to Cathy ********:
I'm willing to cut you a deal, Cathy. I'll only ask for 50 prayers a
day, but in return, you have to come say grace whenever I eat dinner.
I'll accept you saying grace for me over the phone if I happen to be
eating at a drive-thru fast food place.
I'll also throw in my copy of "Drag Me to Hell" on Blu-Ray.
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Please stop. You are being preposterous.
From Me to Cathy ********:
Cathy,
My apologies. I guess you are right, I am asking for a bit too much.
Here's what I'll do. I'll go by what my priest made me do the last time I
confessed to stealing a Blu-Ray player. He made me say 20 Hail Marys
and 10 Our Fathers, but I think the Our Fathers were because I
pistol-whipped a guy while I was stealing it. Since I didn't have to
pistol-whip anyone this time, I'll give it to you for only 20 Hail
Marys. How does this sound? This is practically face value in prayer.
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Oh my lord, you have lost your mind! I will get a bluray player elsewhere.
Original ad:
I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take
my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting
in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from
school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each
day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe
driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net
with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!
From Me to ************@comcast.net
Good afternoon.
My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a
lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your
daughter will arrive safely at home every day.
If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.
Sincerely,
Mike Partlow
From Kate ******** to Me
Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),
I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous
conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions;
you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.
Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any
references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?
- Kate
From Me to Kate ********
Kate,
You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.
A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary
driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through
high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a
lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the
jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination
unharmed.
I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you.
My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an
armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with
multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet
dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with
ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop
grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always
deliver.
Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an
HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof
has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully
we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how
many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you
that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from
soccer practice.
Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for
your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an
hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is
entirely up to you.
Let me know,
Mike Partlow
From Kate ******** to Me
This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...
Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops.
From Me to Kate ********
Kate,
Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some
17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in
his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into
thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball.
My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your
daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will
get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know
which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security
detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She
will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed
to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an
MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not
have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no
later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field.
Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety.
From Kate ******** to Me
Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again.
(later, from another e-mail account)
From Nick Walken to Kate **********
Dear Kate,
I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a
reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by
saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there
is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are
using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe.
When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest.
Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security
detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until
our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you
know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought
we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at
least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike
and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play
with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even
put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started
laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their
guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one
of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we
would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic
actions, I am here today.
You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One
time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his
salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of
situations.
If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life.
Nick
From Kate ******** to Me
what in the hell...
Bien, por ahora con esos va sobrado, iré poniendo más a lo largo del tiempo, si es que os gustan xDD
El tipo es un americano que entra frecuentemente a una web de anuncios en las que la gente ofrece/pide cosas, y si alguien tiene de lo que piden o quiere lo que ofrecen, venden y eso. En plan Ebay pero más sencillo, sólo es un tablón de anuncios.
Bien, ved ahora el trabajo de nuestro amigo Mike:
Original ad:
litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.
From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org
Hi,
I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?
Mike
From Shannon ******* to Me
Mike,
Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure
they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time.
Are you able to house all six of them?
From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******
Shannon,
To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of
cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter
should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good
care of the kittens until I feed them to him.
Mike
From Shannon ******* to Me
That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.
From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******
Shannon,
I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.
From Shannon ******* to Me
NO.
Original ad:
Help me! I'm in desperate need of a Blu-ray
player. I don't have a lot of money so if you want to give me one for
free, that would be great. In return I will say many prayers for you!
Please e-mail me @ ***********@verizon.net
From Me to ***********@verizon.net:
Hey there,
I have an old Blu-Ray player I don't use anymore. Are you interested?
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Yes I am very much interested! What brand is the player and is it free?
From Me to Cathy ********:
Cathy,
It is a Samsung player, and whether it is free or not depends on you...how many prayers are we talking about here?
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
I will say many prayers for you!
From Me to Cathy ********:
Yeah, I got that. Specifically, how many prayers? This Blu-Ray player
wasn't cheap. I'm thinking, 50 Our Fathers and 50 Hail Marys every day
for a year. Does that sound good?
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Mike, the quantity of prayers is not important - it is the sincerity and
power of the prayer that matters. I will be genuinely thankful and show
this through my prayers!
From Me to Cathy ********:
Sorry, but I'm not settling for anything less than 50 Our Fathers and 50
Hail Marys per day. The last guy I gave my plasma TV to gave me that
"sincere prayer" crap but I don't it worked at all. My wife's breasts
still aren't bigger and my lottery tickets still aren't winning. The
only thing that matters is the amount of prayers that you say. It is
your choice; 100 prayers a day or no blu-ray player.
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
I think you are misunderstanding the purpose of prayer. Surely you can't
expect me to say that many prayers - it would take all day!
From Me to Cathy ********:
I'm willing to cut you a deal, Cathy. I'll only ask for 50 prayers a
day, but in return, you have to come say grace whenever I eat dinner.
I'll accept you saying grace for me over the phone if I happen to be
eating at a drive-thru fast food place.
I'll also throw in my copy of "Drag Me to Hell" on Blu-Ray.
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Please stop. You are being preposterous.
From Me to Cathy ********:
Cathy,
My apologies. I guess you are right, I am asking for a bit too much.
Here's what I'll do. I'll go by what my priest made me do the last time I
confessed to stealing a Blu-Ray player. He made me say 20 Hail Marys
and 10 Our Fathers, but I think the Our Fathers were because I
pistol-whipped a guy while I was stealing it. Since I didn't have to
pistol-whip anyone this time, I'll give it to you for only 20 Hail
Marys. How does this sound? This is practically face value in prayer.
Mike
From Cathy ******** to Me:
Oh my lord, you have lost your mind! I will get a bluray player elsewhere.
Original ad:
I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take
my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting
in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from
school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each
day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe
driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net
with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!
From Me to ************@comcast.net
Good afternoon.
My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a
lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your
daughter will arrive safely at home every day.
If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.
Sincerely,
Mike Partlow
From Kate ******** to Me
Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),
I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous
conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions;
you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.
Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any
references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?
- Kate
From Me to Kate ********
Kate,
You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.
A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary
driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through
high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a
lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the
jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination
unharmed.
I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you.
My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an
armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with
multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet
dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with
ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop
grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always
deliver.
Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an
HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof
has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully
we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how
many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you
that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from
soccer practice.
Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for
your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an
hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is
entirely up to you.
Let me know,
Mike Partlow
From Kate ******** to Me
This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...
Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops.
From Me to Kate ********
Kate,
Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some
17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in
his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into
thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball.
My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your
daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will
get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know
which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security
detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She
will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed
to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an
MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not
have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no
later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field.
Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety.
From Kate ******** to Me
Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again.
(later, from another e-mail account)
From Nick Walken to Kate **********
Dear Kate,
I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a
reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by
saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there
is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are
using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe.
When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest.
Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security
detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until
our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you
know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought
we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at
least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike
and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play
with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even
put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started
laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their
guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one
of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we
would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic
actions, I am here today.
You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One
time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his
salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of
situations.
If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life.
Nick
From Kate ******** to Me
what in the hell...
Bien, por ahora con esos va sobrado, iré poniendo más a lo largo del tiempo, si es que os gustan xDD
Petrum
VollMond
- Edad : 32
Cantidad de envíos : 423
Fecha de nacimiento : 07/05/1992
Localizacion : Pucela
Fecha de inscripción : 03/04/2008
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